I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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