she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
