i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
