I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
