i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize