Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
