3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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