it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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