DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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