I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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