Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
