you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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