apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
