WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
