I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
