I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
