I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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