lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
