woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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