Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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