and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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