i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
