period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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