i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
