so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize