I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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