he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
