did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
