i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
