i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
sarcasm needs its own font
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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