none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Welp...herpes.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
