Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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