i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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