She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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