Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
