alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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