What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
