The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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