am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
