Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
