Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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