And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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