Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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