Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
