if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
