i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
