How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
