who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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