I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
