don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
