his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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