Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
