I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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