So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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