I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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