you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
