while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
