I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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