my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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