When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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