Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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