It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
