so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
