I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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