my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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