you guys were way drunker than both of me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
