if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
