Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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