You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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