It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
