I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize