we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
