Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize