I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
