this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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