So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
