Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
