I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
