I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
