can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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