I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
