During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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