I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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