I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
