a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
