thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
