Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
either way he was missing a nipple.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
