I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
