Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
