Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
