I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
