i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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