Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
