I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
