is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
