I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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