I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
