hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize