So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
