Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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