she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
