just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
