The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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