shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
