I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
